I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Randomize
