But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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