I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
