sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
