man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Acid is not a monday night drug
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
