if you like me you must not know who I am
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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