when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Ketchup is God's man juice
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
