So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
