I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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