Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
