Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
