What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
