I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
