Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
