She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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