haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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