Sry I called you an 8
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
