During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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