low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
