So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
