so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
