guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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