Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
