i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
