You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
