never play flip cup with pint glasses
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
