There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
