There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
