Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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