This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
