I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
