He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize