So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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