All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
