just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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