he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
