It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
