I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
