You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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