he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
my poor anus
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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