Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
