Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Everclear isn't food dammit
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize