I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Life is so much better after having sex.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
