the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize