i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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