I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
