I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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