apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
