It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
