I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
