Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize