she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Randomize
