I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
