omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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