I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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