YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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