Just fell off a train. Bad.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
