So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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