I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
