She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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