Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
