I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
