I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
