i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
