is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
