So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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