Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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