Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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