It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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