the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize