So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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