Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Will exercising make me less horny?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
