woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
