There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
