saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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