everyone is single if you try hard enough
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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